Divided

White, suddenly that's all I can see. Pure, dim, lifeless white. My stomach burns, not as if it were actually on flames, it's rather a slow sensation, deeper than fire. Like boiling water without bubbles spreading a dreadful heat to each and every part of me. I close my eyes, my fists tense and my face turns into a grim, for an instant my whole body becomes a single suffering expression.

Faint music, some clothes, your hair, your eyes, your favourite blouse, your neck, your smell, all of them are flashes in my mind. Like a hostile army, they come with tanks and planes, and drop bombs all over me. As I try to relax, I keep my eyes closed and breathe slowly. Breathe, your eyes. Breathe, your voice. Breathe, your smile. Breathe, your body. Breathe, deeper now, breathe... Slowly, unwillingly, the images go away. And as you leave with them, I miss you.

I close my eyes again, the whiteness comes. Inside me, there is another me. The me inside, tries to reach and touch you. He wants to tell you he loves you, he does, I can hear him. He's shouting now, kicking and striking blow after blow against an impossibly strong crystal-like barrier that stands between you and him. All this beating makes me hot. I guess now I know where that burning heat comes from. He's desperate, I watch him getting tired, kneeling down now, crying. He feels so impotent. It hurts, all that beating and shouting, it hurts. He's confused now. He doesn't know why he can't reach out. I take a deep breath, open my eyes, try to relax my muscles and ignore the pain on my stomach.

Walk, behave naturally. Shouting noises? Beating? Where? Nothing that I'm aware of.

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